Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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