the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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