I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
