i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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