no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
