I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
