What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
