I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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