if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
