I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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