Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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