Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
