do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
