yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
