We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize