awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
