it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
