so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
