I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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