Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
