no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
