I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
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