Yo dont text me then not text me
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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