You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
