Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
