you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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