with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
