names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
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This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.