Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.