Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....