if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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