u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up