I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
