He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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