just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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