I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
