I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
