He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
