Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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