Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
