i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
