who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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