haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
