Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
