So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So much rum. So many feels.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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