I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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