He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
