And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
