I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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