I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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