i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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