Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
