the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
