I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
