Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
