Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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