the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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