No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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