i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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