3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
