Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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