Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize