he shaved USA in his pubs
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
