yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
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