And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
