Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
