I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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