Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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