I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
