if only i could text you this smell
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
