omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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