Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
