Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
