I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
