Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
